Father Where Art Thou
by Chiquinta
Summary: Victor goes in search of his real father.


Victor took his sandwich to the table and sat down next to his wife Linda.  
  
'Oh, look at this one.' She cooed and dragged the photo album closer to Victor so that he could see the photo she was pointing to. 'That's so cute.'  
  
Victor just shook his head. 'Mama, why do you do this to me?' He asked Rosa. She was sitting on the other side of Linda and taking great delight in showing off the baby photos of her son.  
  
'Oh Victor, you were so cute as a baby. Why can't I be proud of my son?' Rosa turned over a page in the album. 'This one is my favourite.'  
  
The picture she'd pointed to was one of Victor when he was about eight months old. He was sitting on a sofa chair with a look of great delight on his face after being handed a wooden toy boat. There was an arm that extended out of the picture. All one could see was the hand on the boat giving it to baby Victor and a watch on the wrist.  
  
'You loved that boat.' Rosa sighed happily. 'His father gave it to him.' She told Linda. Rosa looked almost sad as she remembered.  
  
'I haven't seen it since I moved out.' Victor said.  
  
Rosa nodded. 'I know. I found it the attic the other week when I was packing boxes. It's all ready to move. You are still coming to help me aren't you?' Rosa asked as Victor took a bite of his sandwich.  
  
He nodded.  
  
'When are you moving again?' Linda asked.  
  
'Saturday. I go home tomorrow after your appointment to finish packing and Victor is coming down Friday night.'  
  
'It's going to be great with you living up here. I think the baby will really appreciate it.' Linda rubbed her swollen belly.  
  
'And I will appreciate not having to worry so much.' Rosa said. 'I nearly died when I heard you had to be rushed to hospital.'  
  
'She wasn't rushed, it was just cramps.' Victor said exasperated. 'I told you it was a false alarm.'  
  
'Yes but the baby will be born soon and I wouldn't miss it for the world.' Rosa cuddled Linda. 'My first grandchild.' She sighed happily.  
  
Linda hugged Rosa. 'Well I'd love to stay up but I have an appointment tomorrow morning.' She yawned for effect.  
  
'Yes darling, you rest.' Rosa said.  
  
Linda went over to Victor and kissed him gently on the lips. 'Goodnight.'  
  
'Night.' Victor said and watched her waddle off to their bedroom. When she was gone he picked up the photo album and looked at the photo of him and the boat. 'Do you miss him?'  
  
'Your father?' Rosa nodded. 'But he died a long time ago Victor.'  
  
'I just wish I could remember him.' Victor traced his finger over the arm in the picture. 'Sometimes I think he's still around, watching over me.'  
  
Rosa stood up and kissed Victor on the top of his head. 'I know he's watching over you. Goodnight darling.' Rosa went to the guestroom where she was staying.  
  
Victor went to the bookshelf and got down another album. He sat down in an arm chair and flicked through the pages. He reached a picture, the only current picture of his father, the picture of his tombstone.  
  
"Antonio Victor Del Toro  
  
1944 - 1972"  
  
Victor had been a year old when his father was killed during a training session for the United States army. He had no recollection of his father at all.  
  
He turned to another part of the album and pulled out a letter. It was a note from his father to his mother when his father had been away at an army training camp.  
  
"To my beloved Rosa" it started. Most of it was describing training that he was doing. He said he loved the physical training and that he has started arms training too. Victor guessed that is where he got his love for being a cop.  
  
"I still think about you always and even though we are apart I'll always be there for you.  
  
Love Tony." His father's name had been shortened from Antonio to Tony as was usually the case. Next to the name was a love heart.  
  
Victor folded up the letter and put it back into the album. All through his childhood he'd wanted a father just to know what it was like to play catch with someone who could throw the ball harder than his mother. Or to go to ball games with someone who was interested is baseball. Or at least so he'd know what he was supposed to do when his own baby arrived.  
  
He put the album back on the shelf and went to bed.  
  
+++++  
  
'Oh look at you pretending to be all high and mighty.' Victor said. He'd gone up to Palermo's office to submit a file and found Tc sitting at Palermo's desk in Palermo's chair flicking through a folder.  
  
'Well I am the officer in charge while he's away.' Tc said with mock superiority. 'So get back to work.'  
  
Victor just smirked. 'Well I could dob you and Chris in and then you'd both be transferred and I'd be up for the sergeant's position.  
  
Tc gathered up the file and stood up. 'Nah, Cory'd kick your butt any day.' He whacked Victor with the file on the way past.  
  
Victor grabbed his own file off the desk to hit Tc with it and accidentally knocked over the picture of Jessie on the way through. It fell to the ground and the frame came apart.  
  
'You'll be in trouble now.' Tc goaded him and ran down the stairs before Victor could hit him with the file.  
  
Victor put the file back on Palermo's desk and picked up the pieces of the frame. On putting it back together Victor found that there was not only a picture of Jessie but another photo and a piece of paper that had been tucked behind the photo.  
  
He picked up the paper and unfolded it.  
  
"Dear Tony  
  
Here's a picture of my baby. He loves the boat; it's his favourite toy. I'm sorry things didn't work out.  
  
Rosa"  
  
Victor frowned. He looked at the photo and nearly died. It was the same one from the album. The one of him when he was eight months old and his father was handing him his boat…so why did Palermo have it?  
  
There were footsteps on the stairs. Victor quickly stuffed the letter and the photos back in the frame and put it back on the desk.  
  
Palermo came into the office and looked strangely at Victor standing there, looking strangely back at him. 'Hi Victor. Is there a problem?'  
  
Victor shook his head. 'No. No problem.'  
  
Palermo nodded slowly. 'Anything I can do for you then?'  
  
Other than tell my why you have the letter...'No. I just came in here to put a file on your desk.'  
  
'Okay.' Palermo said wondering what on earth was going on.  
  
'I'll go now.' Victor said and dashed out the door.  
  
+++++  
  
Victor sat in front of the TV vaguely watching a gardening program. In reality he was going through all the reasons why Palermo would have his picture…and a few thoughts grossed him out too much to think about.  
  
Something about the whole thing didn't add up.  
  
He almost jumped out of his skin when Linda planted a kiss on the top of his head.  
  
'Are you okay?' She said running her fingers through his hair.  
  
He reached up and held her hand. 'I'm fine. I was just thinking.'  
  
'Sounds serious. You haven't even asked me how the appointment went today.' She rounded the chair and perched herself on the armrest.  
  
'How was the appointment?' Victor asked to humour her. Usually he pounced on her for information as soon as she got home.  
  
Linda handed him a piece of paper. It was an ultrasound photo of the baby. 'The doctor says that everything is fine.'  
  
'It's cute.' He said.  
  
Linda shook her head and turned the picture up the right way. 'Are you sure you're okay?'  
  
'Promise me something. If something happens to me, tell the kid the truth about me not matter what.'  
  
Linda looked down at him quizzingly. 'What brought this on?'  
  
'Just promise me okay.' Victor looked up at her, his eyes almost begging her.  
  
She shrugged. 'Sure. I promise. Now do me a favour, stop thinking about whatever it is that you're thinking about cause its starting to freak me out.'  
  
Victor grunted and got up. 'I'm gonna have a shower.' He left Linda watching him go and went into their bedroom.  
  
He reached to the back of his underwear draw and pulled out a box. Inside were all the things he'd collected from his father. Letters to his mother, pictures, the badge that he'd been awarded after he'd died in a training accident.  
  
There was one other thing, a watch. Victor took it out and studied it. It was the watch from the photo. He traced his thumb over the face before putting in back in the box.  
  
He grabbed his clothes and headed for the bathroom.  
  
+++++  
  
'So there's been a string of bag snatches on the boardwalk.' Tc announced to the group and highlighted the area in question on their glass map. 'The latest was from the Waterfront Café. The lady says she didn't even notice it was missing which has been the case for most of the others.'  
  
'And no one saw anything suspicious?' Chris asked.  
  
'There's a man walking a dog that has shown up at almost every scene.' Palermo added and shrugged. 'Could always be a decoy.'  
  
Cory giggled. 'So we're looking for a dog who hangs out at café's. You know if he's high on caffeine he'll be easier to spot.'  
  
Victor sat in a chair about a foot away from the group playing with the watch. Something had prompted him to bring it today. He'd taken it to a jeweller before his shift to see if it was rare or something. All the jeweller could tell him is that it was about thirty years old.  
  
'You have anything to add Victor?' Palermo asked.  
  
Victor put the watch back on his wrist. 'The Waterfront has security cameras. Didn't they pick anything up?'  
  
Tc grinned. 'Yeah but not much. That's how we were able to get an ID of the dog.' He said causing Cory to go into a fit of giggles again. Tc handed out the pictures from the security camera.  
  
Chris took her copy and studied it. 'Does the suspect have any priors?' She said perfectly seriously before cracking up laughing along with Cory.  
  
'This is actually a serious case.' Palermo said as Chris, Cory and Tc tried to keep straight faces.  
  
'Sure Lieutenant, we'll get right onto it.' Chris said and she, Cory and Tc went back to their desks.  
  
Victor was a little slower to do so, something that Palermo picked up on.  
  
'Something wrong Victor?'  
  
Victor shook his head. 'No.' He was sitting playing with the watch.  
  
'Nice watch.' Palermo said. 'Is it new?'  
  
'No, it was my father's.' Victor sighed. 'Did you know him?'  
  
Palermo flicked through the file from the last bag snatching. 'Didn't he die when you were little?'  
  
Victor nodded.  
  
'Then how could I know him?' He tossed the file on the desk in front of Victor and went up to his office.  
  
'You tell me.' Victor muttered.  
  
+++++  
  
'Didn't you say this was all packed?' Victor asked as he studied a collection of shoe boxes in a spare room closet. That's where his mother kept all the important stuff.  
  
Rosa motioned to the boxes. 'They're packed.'  
  
Victor rolled his eyes. 'They aren't even sealed.'  
  
'They have lids on.'  
  
He tried not to laugh. 'Why not put them in one box to save time and about a thousand trips to the truck?'  
  
Rosa shrugged. There are more boxes in the garage.'  
  
Victor huffed and went in search of a packing box. He found one and dragged it back to the closet to pack all the little boxes. He opened a few and noticed they weren't even organized. No labels, no categories, nothing.  
  
Packing them into the bigger box one by one was taking a long time so he picked up three or four at a time, until one fell and spread it contents on the floor.  
  
Victor plonked himself down on the floor. Looking through his mother's old things was often kinda interesting. Her house was like a one-woman museum. For instance, he now knew that a bag of flour once cost 10c. That piece of information was found of a really really old docket.  
  
He picked up a piece of paper and unfolded it. It was written in Spanish, not that it worried him.  
  
Child's name: Rosa Maria Del Toro  
  
At first it didn't register with him. Then his studied it closely. It listed the parents as his grandparents, both with the last name of Del Toro. He'd never met them as they'd stayed in Mexico and had died before Victor got down there to see them. It also listed siblings, one Anthony Victor Del Toro.  
  
Victor's stomach turned. No way, he thought, Mum did NOT have a baby with her brother.  
  
He heard the moving van pull up out the front and he quickly searched through the rest of the papers on the floor to see if he could see anything. Maybe she was adopted. At least that would be legal...and less disgusting.  
  
He couldn't find anything.  
  
'Victor!' Rosa called from another room. 'The moving truck is here.'  
  
He stuffed her birth certificate into his pocket, gathered up the rest of the papers and boxes and put them into the larger box and sealed it.  
  
+++++  
  
The drive back to California with his mother next to him and her birth certificate in his pocket nearly killed him. There were so many questions. Only, he couldn't ask any of them without accusing her and she definitely wasn't picking up on his hints.  
  
After moving all the furniture into place Victor came home exhausted. He took a shower and lay down on the couch with a beer to watch football.  
  
Linda came out sometime during the first half just as Victor was starting to doze. 'What's this?' She asked handing him a piece of paper. 'I found it in the pocket of your pants while I was doing the washing.'  
  
'It's Mum's birth certificate.' He said.  
  
'Well what are you doing with it? It almost went through the washing machine. Things like that should be put somewhere safe.' She lectured. Of course, her parents' birth certificates were laminated and in a fireproof safe.  
  
He handed it back to her. 'Says her name is Del Toro.'  
  
Linda shrugged. 'What's wrong with that?'  
  
'My name is Del Toro and I was supposed to be named after my father who is listed as her brother on here.' Victor waved the paper in the air. 'Something is going on.'  
  
'Oh Victor...'  
  
'But also, I found a letter from Mum to Palermo in a picture frame in his office with that picture you two were looking at the other day. I'm so confused. I don't even know who my father is anymore.' Victor clicked his fingers. 'What if Mum isn't really my mother.'  
  
Linda took the piece of paper. 'See, this is why you don't go snooping through other people's belongings.'  
  
'Where are you going with that?' He asked her.  
  
'Going to put it in a safe place until we can give it back to your mother.'  
  
'But I need it!' Victor jumped up off the couch to wrestle it from her.  
  
'What for Victor? To accuse your mother of lying to you? Why on earth would you want to hurt her like that?' Linda was starting to get annoyed. Rosa was the only mother she had and she was protective.  
  
'I need it for evidence.' He said.  
  
'Why?' She exploded. 'Why on earth can't you just accept that things might not be what you thought they were. Or, maybe that your mother has a good reason for not telling you. Have you stopped for a minute to think that there is a perfectly logical explanation for all of this?'  
  
'Like what?'  
  
Linda glared. 'You are not going to put a knife through her heart by accusing her of lying to you. I won't allow it.'  
  
'She's my mother Linda. How would you like it if your parents did this to you?' He followed Linda into their room where she put the paper in the back of one of her drawers.  
  
'I would love it Victor because it means my parents would still be alive.' She said, tears forming in her eyes. 'Are you ever going to realize that your mother is someone special before the day she dies? Before you can't hold her again, or tell her you love her?' Linda sat down on their bed and covered her face as she cried.  
  
Victor sat down next to her and tried to put his arms around her but she twisted away from him.  
  
'Leave me alone.' She sobbed.  
  
He stood up again and went to her drawer.  
  
'What are you doing!?' She yelled.  
  
'I'm going to find out what the hell is going on. Unlike you, princess, I actually want to know where I came from.' He took the paper and went to leave the room.  
  
Linda grabbed him by the arm. 'You are going to ruin your relationship with her.'  
  
Victor flicked her off like she'd done a few minutes earlier. 'The only thing you are worried about is me ruining your relationship with her.' He said scathingly. 'Just because you can't have your parents you're trying to have mine.'  
  
'You bastard!' She said. From the venom in her eyes he could tell that wound had cut deep. 'Get the hell away from me.'  
  
'I'd be glad to!' He said and stormed out leaving her crying her eyes out behind him.  
  
+++++  
  
Victor stopped by the firehouse to see if Palermo was there. He wasn't so he took the picture frame from his desk and left. Someone had tried to stop him but he was so angry from his mother lying to him and from the fight with Linda that he didn't care.  
  
+++++  
  
He got to Palermo's apartment and found his boss waiting for him at the top of the stairs.  
  
'It's not everyday I get a call from work telling me one of my best has stolen something from my office let alone a picture of my daughter.' Palermo said moving aside to let Victor into his place.  
  
Victor went into the kitchen, held the picture frame up high and let it drop to the floor. The glass shattered and the frame came apart as it had done the other day.  
  
Palermo's jaw twitched. 'What do you think you are doing?' He asked. His voice warning Victor that he'd better talk fast before he gets really angry.  
  
Victor bent down and picked up the letter and his photo. 'What's this?' He held it out to Palermo.  
  
Palermo didn't take it. He just stood there with his arms folded.  
  
'What the hell is it?!' Victor yelled.  
  
'None of your business. That's what.' He didn't appreciate Victor yelling at him and wasn't impressed he'd broken the glass on Jessie's photo. Couldn't he have just taken the back off it?  
  
Victor took off his watch. 'Remember this?'  
  
'Depends. Are you going to break that too?'  
  
Victor held up the photo of him as a baby with the boat and put the watch in front of it. 'It's the same friggin watch.'  
  
'So your father gave you a watch. So what?'  
  
'So, why do you have the photo?' How did you recognize the watch when I wore it at the station? How come there is a personal letter from my mother in that frame,' he pointed to the one smashed on the floor, 'that matches my mother's handwriting and why is there one in a photo album from 'my father' that matches your handwriting. Care to explain that?'  
  
'How about you just go home Victor? Even if I did explain it wouldn't satisfy you.'  
  
'What the hell did you do to my mother huh?' Victor went up to Palermo and pushed him. 'What did you do?'  
  
'Nothing!' He yelled back.  
  
Just then Jessie appeared at the door. 'What's going on?'  
  
'Get out!' Palermo said to Victor through gritted teeth.  
  
Victor glared but grabbed the photo and letter and left, purposely grounding the broken glass underfoot as he left.  
  
+++++  
  
Victor didn't go home. He didn't want to. He didn't want to face Linda; her with her perfect family, one that didn't lie or keep secrets. Instead he just kept driving, going nowhere but not going far from Santa Monica either.  
  
After about the third circle of the city he started to run out of petrol so he decided he'd better finally go home.  
  
When he got there he didn't see Linda immediately. Good, he thought, she was probably still mad at him anyway.  
  
It wasn't until he walked past the dining room table and saw a note that his thoughts changed.  
  
  
  
Victor  
  
Linda went into labour shortly after you left. We tried to call you but you left your phone at home. I am taking her to the hospital. Please hurry and find this note.  
  
Rosa  
  
He swore under his breath, grabbed his keys and jumped back in his pickup.  
  
+++++  
  
Victor raced up the steps of the hospital.  
  
'Excuse me, I'm looking for my wife Linda Del Toro. Has she had the baby yet?' He asked the nurse at the front desk.  
  
The nurse looked up her computer and nodded slowly. 'She gave birth to a boy about 20 minutes ago.'  
  
Victor's heart fell. He'd only been looking forward to his since she'd first told him she was pregnant. He was going to be there for her. Now just because he was selfish and scared to go home he'd missed the whole thing.  
  
'She's in room 12 on level 3.'  
  
'Thanks.' Victor said quietly.  
  
He walked slowly to the elevators and along level 3. It didn't take him all that long to find Linda's room as Palermo was standing out front.  
  
'What are you doing her?' He asked as he got closer.  
  
'Your mother found my number in your teledex and asked if I could drive them here. She left trying to get Linda to the hospital until the last minute in case you came back.'  
  
Victor shook his head. 'So are you going to give me a big lecture about how much of a terrible person I am now?'  
  
'No. I think you're doing a good enough job of that yourself.'  
  
Victor sat down on a nearby bench. 'I really messed up.' He let his head slide into his hands. 'She'd gonna hate me.'  
  
Palermo sat down next to Victor. 'She doesn't hate you. In fact, quite the opposite. She wouldn't have been asking for you if she didn't love you.'  
  
'I missed the whole thing.' Victor moped. 'How could I have been so selfish?'  
  
Palermo shrugged. 'Pig headed more like it. Selfish I'm not too sure about. You were just trying to find your past. But mostly unlucky. Helen was in labour for 17 hours with Jessie. It took Linda and hour and a half.'  
  
'Mum is going to disown me.'  
  
Palermo put his hand on Victor's shoulder and rubbed it. 'Don't be so hard on yourself. Linda doesn't hate you, Rosie will just be glad you're back safe and sound.'  
  
'Rosie?'  
  
Palermo smiled to himself. 'You already know Victor, why are you hiding the truth from yourself.'  
  
'You're my father?'  
  
Tony nodded. 'Me and a few friends went to an open house party when we were 16. Free drinks, loud music and girls, it was what any teenager wanted at the time. Your mother had come up to LA for a holiday with some girl friends of hers and one of the party organisers had invited them along. We met up and she thought I was older than I was so we went down on the beach and well...'  
  
'So why didn't stick around or something. I mean, you left Mum to raise me by herself.'  
  
'She didn't want me around. Simple as that. When she found out I was 16 she screamed blue murder and told me she'd have me arrested for stalking if I went near her again. Only thing I knew was that she came up by bus and I knew the date she was leaving. I waited at the bus shelter from four in the morning till about six that night when she arrived. I told her I was sorry and gave her my address in case she wanted to write. She never did until one day I get a letter from her telling me she's pregnant. I offered to go down there, marry her, get a job, that sorta thing but she wouldn't have a bar of it. She said that she would take care of your by herself.'  
  
'What about the picture? The one with the watch and the boat.'  
  
'I was curious. She left a return address so we kept in touch until you were born and when you were eight months old I'd saved up enough to go down there and see you. I found the boat in a little store across the road from the bus shelter in Santa Fe where your mother had moved to live with her brother who was taking care of the two of you. When I left, I left my watch there as a memento; just something that your mother could honestly say came from your father.'  
  
Victor thought about it for a moment then gave Palermo a strange look.  
  
He laughed. 'You think it's weird. How do you think I felt when you turned up at the firehouse on your first day?'  
  
Victor laughed. 'Yeah I guess. So how do you feel about her now?'  
  
Palermo shrugged. 'There isn't anything going on but I still think she's pretty hot.'  
  
'Oh yuck!' Victor said rather loudly but he was laughing when he said it.  
  
Rosa peaked her head around the door and motioned for him to come in.  
  
Victor hesitated.  
  
'Go on.' Tony said. 'This is the good bit.'  
  
Victor slowly dragged himself to his feet and followed his mother inside the room.  
  
Inside it was fairly dark. The dark brown curtains covering the windows had been drawn and there was a faint orange glow filtering through the room.  
  
Rosa motioned for Victor to be quiet as he came through the door but he barely noticed when she left the room behind him.  
  
Linda was lying in bed in her hospital gown. There was a tiny bundle of cloth she was holding in the crook of her arm. She looked up at him with a huge grin. 'Come see. He's so precious.'  
  
Victor felt like he was floating as he went to her bedside. She moved over a little so he could sit on the edge of the bed and propped the baby up and moved the cover back from his face.  
  
That's when Victor got his first glimpse of his brand new son. He was so tiny. From the size on Linda's stomach Victor had expected something a bit bigger. He had silky smooth skin, dark hair and was sucking his thumb.  
  
'He's so little.' Victor said in barely a whisper.  
  
Linda nodded. 'But he's healthy so that's all we have to worry about.' She sat up carefully and patted the bed next to her. 'Come and hold him.'  
  
Victor moved up to the head of the bed and leaned against the wall. Linda placed the baby in his arms. 'Just hold his head. He's all floppy.' She said before cuddling up against Victor and putting her arms around his waist. 'I love you.' She said softly and kisses his shoulder.  
  
'I'm sorry.' He replied. 'I really wanted to be here for you. How was it anyway?'  
  
She sighed. 'Rosa tells me it went well. I can't remember much other than being scared and in pain. I wanted you here too.'  
  
'If I'd known...'  
  
'That was my point Victor. If you'd known I was going into labour you'd have been here. If I'd known my parents would have died in that accident I would have spent more time with them before it happened. I don't want you to end up with regrets like I've got.' She toyed with the hair behind his ear. 'But it doesn't matter. You're here and everything is okay. Did you talk to Tony?'  
  
Victor nodded but mainly kept his eyes on his son. 'He told me everything.'  
  
'Your mother asked where you were. I had to tell her everything. Then she rang Tony to drive us to the hospital and he said you'd been by his place.' The baby started to cry a little and Linda reached over and stroked it.  
  
'Has Tony seen him? I mean, he is a grandfather now.'  
  
Linda shook her head. 'No, he was waiting until you'd seen him first. He was very good at keeping Rosa from panicking. She was worried you'd crashed in a ditch or something, especially when she found you'd left Tony in the state you were in.'  
  
'I have a lot of making it up to people, don't I?'  
  
'Just one thing and you'll have me covered.'  
  
'What's that?' Victor asked.  
  
'Promise me something. Don't do anything that irrational again.'  
  
'I promise.' Despite having a rather delicate bundle in his arms he manoeuvred himself and kissed her to seal the deal.  
  
+++++ 


End file.
